Sunday, Oct. 26, 2003
at 2:33 p.m.
I know I'm not supposed to miss him, that it's been a while now since we've even spoken. I know this, but fat lot of good it has done me. He's back to school now � good for him, I'm proud of how well he's done, even if it's not really my place to 'be proud' � and I'm here in England. So, it really doesn't matter. Only, he does matter, and so I've been forced to relive all the good moments we had before the bad. I realize that no one has made me feel that way since. I thought various guys here and there did, but no. I realize that no one has held a candle to what I felt then. I'm furious at myself for feeling that way, and furious for wishing I could go back in time to just have that rush once more, but I'm addicted to the memories. Yes, I've been on dates since and have talked to several guys, but not one of them made me feel girlish or thrilled, or on my toes. No one has but him. I pretend to be over it, to be above it and aloof, but reality is: I miss him. I miss how he made me feel.
Why is this cropping up now? I guess I haven't truly gotten over it, like I thought (or at least, like I've been telling myself and everyone else), but why so intensely today and the recent week? Why can't I stop thinking about him now of all times?
God, I really do miss him. If he wanted to try again, who'm I kidding that I'd say no? I'd play hard to get, but in the end, I would say yes. Not that he'd offer.
Is secretly wanting someone back pathetic? I seriously hope not.
Damn you. . .Orlando Bloom.
(Okay, the Orlando Bloom part was a joke. . .ha, ha. . .but I'm serious about everything else. And it's pissing me off! GET OUT OF MY MIND.
What song is playing on my iTunes right now: What I'm reading: What I'm Wearing: Back to anecdotal journalism again! - Tuesday, May 1st, 2007
Plan? - Monday, Jun. 19, 2006
FINALLY things are going better!
(This month redefined my understanding of stress and 'hell') - Monday, April 24th, 2006
Just a few more days! - Monday, February 27th, 2006
Another one to chalk up to College Experiences - Sunday, February 12th, 2006