|The London Times|

Another one to chalk up to College Experiences
Sunday, February 12th, 2006 at 12:45 a.m.

Sooner or Later

WOW it's been a long time since I've updated, mostly because I've relocated to MySpace, but this needs to be put here for certain reasons of privacy.

So I have a friend who went to school at my Uni last year, and we were really good friends at the time and have kept in touch. Now my friend is back for grad school and we're hanging out again, and another one of our close friends from last year is coming to visit us in about a month, which should be awesome. One hitch. . .she has confessed her love and lust for me! SOOO came out of left field since I've known her for two years and she's never shown any sign of attraction to women. . .

A bunch of us went out last night in Soho to a place called Attica, and all night my friend Katy was being kind of touchy-feely, but I figured that it's just cause she's an affectionate person and she was drunk.

After the club was winding down, we were supposed to go to this party with her and her flatmates, but she said at the last minute that her friends were probably too drunk and they should go home, so we went our own separate ways.

But then, as soon as I get home, she calls me asking "Where are you??" and acting really bummed that I'm not there. I answer. . ."I thought you were going home?"

Anyway, there was a moment of confusion about what happened, but THEN she says, "Chloe, can I ask you a personal question, and don't hate me. . ."and I'm thinking. . .uh-ohhhh.

(Okay, this is where I have to give you back story. . .about a year and a half ago we drunkenly kissed at a club, but it was largely for the camera. It meant nothing to me, and I thought nothing to her!)

So she asks, "Do you ever think about that night? Because I do. . .all the time."
For a moment I was too stunned to talk, I kind of stammered, "Well I was really drunk, I don't really remember it, but I remember that it happened. . .and it was fun but I didn't think of it like *that*."

She says, "I've never felt attracted to a girl before, but for some reason there's something ABOUT you."

Then she's like, "God I am going to feel like such an asshole in the morning."
I tried to assure her, "Please don't. . .I'm not judging," because I feel really guilty (a) for maybe making her see me in a different way and (b) not being able to return her feelings.
I don't want her to feel like what she feels is 'wrong', and I do want us to be friends, but at the same time I was really hoping that in the morning she'd remember what happened and not persist with it.
After this initial exchange, she keeps me on the phone for like half an hour to tell me about her feeling, and keeps asking me when she can see me next. Meanwhile, I'm really trying to be nice, but not lead her on, you know? FINALLY I am able to hang up
by promising to call her the next day (tomorrow)

Then an hour later as I am falling asleep, I start getting a barrage of texts. She is like, "I'm coming over. Can you meet me?"
I respond, "Let's just talk tomorrow ok?"
She texts me more like, "Come on, let's meet up!"
I pointed out that no one is allowed past security after midnight without prior notification, so that seems to work.
Meanwhile I'm praying that it all blows over in the morning; she texts me a couple more times but it finally stops.
So then this morning she texts me and is like, "I looked through my texts and I'm sorry for being so annoying. I hope we can still be friends."
But then the text goes on to say: "But I don't regret saying any of it, because I meant every word," and then she called me later on, asking what I was up to today.

I definitely want to let her down easily but if she continues to be so persistent I will sooner or later have to be like, "Look Katy, I really want to be your friend, but I have to make it clear that I can't return those type of feelings."

But for today, since I just need a little time, I said that I was seriously hung over and had to work on my senior thesis.

Sooner or Later

What song is playing on my iTunes right now:
Always On My Mind (London Version) By Phantom Planet.

What I'm reading:
Nervous Conditions & all my senior thesis texts.

What I'm Wearing:
White ribbed tank and stripey cropped PJs in valentine's day colors

Back to anecdotal journalism again! - Tuesday, May 1st, 2007
Plan? - Monday, Jun. 19, 2006
FINALLY things are going better!
(This month redefined my understanding of stress and 'hell')
- Monday, April 24th, 2006
Just a few more days! - Monday, February 27th, 2006
Another one to chalk up to College Experiences - Sunday, February 12th, 2006

Chloe 2006