Thursday September 25, 2003
at 12:08 p.m.
I'm not going to pull a line like, "The Juilliard School validated my talent, and now this?!" or something to that affect, but damn!
Last night was the worst, most unprofessional audition I've ever had the misfortune of attending. In retrospect I fervently wish I hadn't. First of all, it was based on cold readings, but certain people read entire parts, and then, before anyone else even read the same parts for comparison, the director offered it to them on the spot. No one else had even been able to read! So I waited, and waited, and waited for my turn, while meanwhile the girl who those I attended it with call "The primadonna bitch" (though not my words), read an entire act. And was not good. Not at all. At first I thought she sounded promising, but soon I corrected myself. Her entire delivery was in exactly the same voice. No change in pitch, in tone, in emotion. . .nothing. It was all said in a pouty, whining voice, and it soon got old. Very old. Well, she was offered the part as soon as she finished reading the (entire) act. Again, no one else read for comparison. Naturally, I was quite thrown. Finally, two hours into it, when all the lead parts had already been given he finally had me read. . .two lines. The messenger.
First off, I have no problem with starting at the bottom and paying my dues, and proving myself. What irritates me was the fact that I wasn't even given the chance to show what I had. There was absolutely nothing I could do with those lines, so I didn't even get a fair shot, and I had sat there for so long. That was my only chance to do any reading at all, and there was one particular role that I felt I really could have sunken my teeth into. It wasn't even big! It was fairly small, but meaty. But of course I wasn't even given the chance to read anything but some meaningless lines of a messenger - a male messenger I might add; something I don't understand since there were plenty of men.
Well the director asked me if I'd like to be involved, even if I had a nonspeaker role, and I said sure, "We all have to start somewhere, right?" I mean, what else could I say, do? In reality I was indignant and upset I hadn't been able to even show of what I am capable, but I definitely didn't want to come off as a diva.
However, the icing of the cake came afterwards, when the people I had gone with to the theater and I were taking the tube home. Two of the girls, who had been double cast in a lead (they had the same role) were ranting on and on in shrill voices about how DARE they be double cast, and I was quite turned off by their unprofessionalism - especially in light of the fact that they got leads and I hadn't even gotten to read, so it was quite insensitive. But despite that, I tried to placate the more passionately bitching one. I said, "Well at the very least you came out of it with a good role."
Immediately I realized that somehow (God knows how) I had said something wrong, because her friend, the one with whom she shared her role, stopped dead in her tracks.
I calmly asked, what, but she stalked ahead acting like she was barely concealing a furious rage.
I thought, puh-lease, what? and internally rolled my eyes, but what I said was, "Did I say something wrong?" I mean for Christ's sake, she was acting as if I had told her that I was sleeping with her boyfriend and planning to burn down her house! She only responded by shaking her head with her eyes closed lightly, while taking deep 'calming' breaths, as if it were taking all her willpower not to unleash the torrent of her fury on me. . . As if she was dying to give me an earful, but she was being 'noble' and 'controlling herself.'
Now I was thinking, Shut up, save your dramatics for the rehearsals. Simultaneously I was becoming quite irritated that she wouldn't just tell me what the hell I had 'said wrong,' as opposed to putting on her little show.
"I didn't say anything," she said, her tone shaking from her supposed suppressed rage.
"Yeah, maybe not, but obviously you're thinking something."
"But I didn't say anything!" It went on like so. All the while she still had her fists clenched. Who ARE you?
But I wished she would say something, or else just quit the ridiculous act. I wasn't impressed at all.
I was so turned off by this charade that I rode on a separate tube car on the way back; I didn't want to deal with her immaturity. She had seemed so normal and friendly on the way over but what the hell was that all about, anyway? How ludicrous.
So now, since (A) I was given no chance to even try out and will have to work under - and this sounds bitchy but I don't mean it to be; I just have high standards of actors after my background - fairly talentless actors simply because they are drama majors, (B) I have no role to speak of anyway, and (C) I don't want to work with people who go apeshit over me saying something so insignificantly plactating. . .I think I will call the director and tell him that my commitments are too much. "I won't be able to sacrifice time for a play in which I don't even have a role, where I would essentially be an extra." I don't think this is unreasonable. In fact he even said that if I didn't want to participate because of that, it would be perfectly understandable.
Besides, it's not an excuse, it's true. I would have to really make room in my schedule to participate in the production, and if I won't even have a role, it is truly not worth the effort.
So I was quite disgruntled last night, but at least my friends were very sympathetic and suitably pissed on my behalf. My roommate even bought me a Cadbury's Dairymilk chocolate bar, awww.
Today, I woke up sick, quite sick. I think I have a double dose of toncilitis, and know I have an ear infection (another one!? I haven't had one since age 6 and now I've had 2 in as many months). So, lucky me, eh? I think I caught it from my sick friend Mindy, who has the same thing. Afterall, we had been snuggled up close together, sharing the same blanket even, for the better part of five hours while watching the Harry Potter marathon from my bed. . .I luckily have some antibiotics from my other ear infection this summer, so I should be okay. If they don't work though, I'll have to go to the doctor.
Despite all these complaints though, I had a very good day today. Sometimes I marvel at how a truly good and interesting class, taught by a really dynamic professor, can completely energize and invigorate me. It certainly did today. Plus, it's gorgeous outside - the sky is deep blue and the light is whitewashing the lanscape - and there are birds singing a beautiful song right outside my window. I can't help but be happy in spite of things. I even have a job interview tomorrow! In the grander scale of my life right now, those unpleasantries are just background noise.
What song is playing on my iTunes right now: What I'm reading: What I'm Wearing: Back to anecdotal journalism again! - Tuesday, May 1st, 2007
Plan? - Monday, Jun. 19, 2006
FINALLY things are going better!
(This month redefined my understanding of stress and 'hell') - Monday, April 24th, 2006
Just a few more days! - Monday, February 27th, 2006
Another one to chalk up to College Experiences - Sunday, February 12th, 2006